I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
