Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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