the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
