Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
