Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
