AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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