I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
