just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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