I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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