I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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