I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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