I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
