Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
