They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
