do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
