the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
