I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Drunk is not a location!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
