is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
