Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
