hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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