Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
