whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
