I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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