I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
