She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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