Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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