420 ftw
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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