Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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