Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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