How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
