You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
