then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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