Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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