Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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