do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
