she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
