i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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