the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
