he puts the penis in happiness.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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