i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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