If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
