I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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