If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
