She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
