you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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