She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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