I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
