Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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