You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
