Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
